Feminism Needs To Work With Men, Not Against Them

Those evil men.

They leer at women, assault them, catcall them, treat them like dirt. They’re always humiliating women and they need to stop that bad behavior because we won’t tolerate it anymore.

And they sit at the top of the food chain, doing whatever they please because society loves them so much. They run companies, take all the best and most highly paid positions, and have all the power.

And boy, they just don’t get women’s issues, or minority issues, and they better get with the program because things are a changin. They had a nice run, but it’s time to step aside, amiright?

And their emotional skills! They’re so clueless. Like, learn how to talk to people already. It’s not that hard!

I just summarized essentially every Feminist article on Medium, many of which border on Misandrist, or Man Hating. And the echo chamber of women who agree with this drowns out any attempts at subtle conversation about just how complicated this all is.

And a lot of the statements I made above have some grain of truth to them, and there are definitely a lot of steps to make to ensure equality for men and women. We aren’t there yet.

But here’s the thing: writing about this shit isn’t getting men on board The Feminist Train. It’s either alienating them, shaming them, and forcing them into a defensive stance. How do you think we got a President Trump? You’re either blind or ignorant to believe that the backlash to Liberal Feminism didn’t drive men to that orange colored asshat.

“We don’t need no men on the feminist train”, some of you might be saying. “We are doing just fine on our own.”

Oh really? Well, you claim that men have All The Power, so don’t you want the Powerful People to help you in your quest for rights? If not, then keep doing your Angry Man Shaming and speaking to the choir of women who are clearly on your side.

But if you truly want men to get on your side, you must make it in their best interest to be on your side. That’s the number one rule of influence: make it about them, not you. Because right now you’re making it all about you, and you’re not getting anywhere with them.

So how do you make it about them? Simple.

Talk about how a society that is Man Favored doesn’t actually benefit them.

How they can’t express their emotions properly and how this is hurting their careers and intimate and familial relationships.

Talk about how much better their job prospects would be if they stopped sneering at women dominated industries such as healthcare and education.

Talk about how much more successful they could be with women if they learned emotional intelligence skills and used those instead of harassing and catcalling women, which doesn’t get them anywhere.

Talk about how being a more involved dad can give them more fulfillment than they ever imagined.

And make them feel great about the traits that men do have instead of calling them “toxic.”

Talk about how much you admire their strength in the face of barriers. Talk about their resolve, their ability to set boundaries, their ability to set goals and achieve them.

And sure, talk about how you like their physical traits: their eyes, their body that they’re working on, they’re “masculine walk.”

Because the goal of feminism is to create “well integrated individuals,” a combination of classic feminine and masculine traits that all humans, regardless of gender, are capable of having.

And before you go and call me a Men’s Rights Activist or a Misogynist or whatever other insults you care to throw at me, keep in mind that I’ve done my fair share to support women’s rights. And I’ve managed to integrate my feminine and still be a “success” in the eyes of society.

So let’s stop the shame and blame game and lift men up as much as we do everyone else in society. They’re deserving of it, and if you approach them with kindness and compassion rather than anger and shaming, then maybe you’ll make more progress toward your ultimate goal of a more equal society.