I’m All Business

Recently, self-reflective Jon has taken a break as business Jon has taken over. I’m all about more clients, selling, and business. Feelings and that emotional stuff? Looking inside myself for the deeper truths about the human condition? No time for that.

Being business Jon is so much easier! I don’t have to question my motives or look at myself as the bad guy or work on integrating my badness in to a holistic version of me. I just think about tangible, rational problems that need to be solved and I work on fixing them. How can I get more clients? What does the future of my business look like? How do I best service the clients that I have now? All solvable, all fixable, all definitive without gray areas.

For the first thirty years of my life, I was nearly always business Jon. Serious self reflection and improvement were for the weak, and the weak minded. I didn’t need to look inside myself because my self was perfect as is. There were rational, tangible problems that needed to be thought out and solved. The world of emotions was shut out, buried and avoided. However, the last ten years of deep self exploration proved that I was missing out on life by ignoring the emotional me.

Back to the present, it’s cool for me to be in business mode for a little while, but not for the long term. I already feel myself looking at everyone I know as someone who’s a potential sale, or as someone who can help with my business in some way. I feel that relationships are getting cheapened and becoming transactional. No bueno.

I don’t know if I can integrate deep self exploration and being a businessman. At this point it feels like it’s one or the other. Perhaps at some point I can integrate these two sides of me, but only time will tell.