The Loneliness of the Spiritual Path

As I progress on my spiritual path and reach deeper levels of insight into the nature of reality, I’m beginning to feel a deep sense of loneliness.

This comes as a bit of a surprise. After all, isn’t enlightenment, which is a connection to all sentient beings, exactly the opposite of loneliness?

Since I’m not enlightened, I have no idea. But I do know that my current state of loneliness comes from a deeper understanding about the world and not from an egoic “I’m lonely so pay attention to me” kind of place.

The loneliness I speak of is a realization that no one on this earth will ever truly understand me. And beyond that, not a single person will care to understand me. But this isn’t about me: it’s a fundamental truth about living. People care about us when we give them a reason to care about us. After that, we are easily discarded, as if whatever shared moments of “non-loneliness” were all for nothing.

This is profoundly disturbing, if we really think about it. But I believe that any argument against this is just fighting against the rising tide of truth that I just expressed. We exist as projections for others to make of us what they will, and as long as those projections work for them, we are worthy of sticking around. If not, bye bye and have a nice life.

And as I come closer to accepting this reality, I’m fighting back hard core, but those efforts to fight back are not helping me. Yesterday, I shared a deeply personal blog post about my difficulties at my last job. I (or more accurately, my ego) was hoping to get some sympathy for writing this. Instead, I got nothing. I even sent it to my mentees, who I’ve devoted time and effort to giving a safe space to express themselves and hoped for some reciprocation. I got nothing there either.

Let’s be very clear: the above paragraph is written from the viewpoint of a very hurt ego. This Jon was looking for support to fight against the bigger “fundamental loneliness” truth that I’ve expressed above. But he wasn’t satisfied. And perhaps he didn’t want to be satisfied.

Which leads me to where I am now, and where I’m going. And the truth is, I have no idea. I think that I need to continue to reach deep meditative states that reveal a hidden joy, happiness and equanimity that lies beyond the conscious mind. If anything, this provides a bit of a respite from the crushing loneliness that I currently feel.

And I believe that I’ll continue to spend more and more time accessing the “higher consciousness”, which loves me unconditionally and provides me with support that I couldn’t imagine. God in whatever form you believe is truly out there if you look for It.

But other people? I’m not sure where they fit in my life. I’m confused. I’m wondering now if I have kept so many people around just to stave off the fundamental truth of loneliness. And whether or not my social media efforts have also happened for the same reason (this is probably more likely to be a screaming “yes.”)

So perhaps I will take sometime to figure things out. I am confused, sad and lonely, but I am accepting of these states of being. Realizing fundamental truths about existence isn’t meant to be a happy go lucky exercise and now that my eyes are open I have no choice but to dive further into the unknown.